Love Letter #89

Who would have thought

my first time

would be with a pitiful jerk

a smooth talker

with nothing but shameful half truths

of what he wanted from me

It was quick

dismissive

and all over before I knew it

left me scarred for the majority of my 20’s

searching for someone to just love me

after you used me up

and took away

the one thing

that I would never get back

but it taught me

it was more important how I handled it

afterwards

that defined who I was

and who I was

was an over sexualized girl

who didn’t know who I was

until I had to experience 

what I needed to experience

in my 20s.

Love Letter #88

While you’re gone

I will not have lost much

but will gain more time

in developing who I am

I get to focus on me

and do all the things that I love to do

I get to please me

and learn to smile again

to love myself again

instead of always focusing on you

in making you happy

Then why do I keep letting you back in?

Love Letter #87

So here you go again

running to your cave

to think about all the things 

that are on your mind

your job

your school

your love

me?

I wonder if I am on your mind

when you’re in your dark cave

are you thinking of me?

am I the one who you’re really

thinking about?

am I the one who made you run?

Just know that when you reemerge

I will be here waiting for you

in the sunlight.

Love Letter #86

It was so easy to catch me back then

a girl oozing with low self esteem

sweet words with no backup

made me succumb to the many boys

who entered my life

told me lies

after lies

believing them all to be true

because I lacked what I needed

inside of me

It was so easy to catch me back then

just open the door for me

tell me how pretty I am

caress my hair

and tell me what I want to hear

now after all these years

I laugh at what a fool I was

because I am not so easy to catch anymore

except when it comes to you