Before we have children we think about how we would raise them and how they would turn out to be. We also think about the ways we are going to instill all the knowledge into them that we have to help learned to help prepare them for the real world. But then we forget about the other little monsters walking around. Our competitive nature can overtake us subconsciously and then our little ones become more of an extension of how a “good” parent we are. Then our focus shifts away from “helping them to figure out who they are” to “how better you can be”.
When we see other people’s children walking around and being successful and doing things that our children aren’t even doing yet, our envious side kicks in and then we begin to feel inadequate as a parent. And then the push begins for our children to be like the “others”. This attitude of “competitiveness” is due in part to our own inward reflections of who we are and we extend that to our own child. We see our children as valuable creatures who represent us (most of us do this) and when we see our child struggling with something, we become self-conscious and think “What is wrong with my child? What is wrong with me?” I have seen this time and time again from parents during Parent/Teacher Conferences and it is heart breaking.
It is heartbreaking because parents think they have failed when their child isn’t performing as well as they would hope and become frustrated when their child is struggling with a concept. Instead of encouraging them by offering assistance or understanding, I see parents chastise their child and make them feel like they can never struggle. And then the comments about “so and so doing so well” and “Why are you struggling? You should know this!” Instead of waiting for an answer, they continue to berate their child and make them feel like they aren’t good enough. I know this is not intentional and parents are well intended but the look on their children’s faces and the body language they exhibit speaks volumes to me.
Parents, your child is an individual who was brought into this world by you. Your child has their own unique abilities and characteristics that are embedded into them. We must learn to encourage them to think on their own and discover their own strengths and weaknesses. We must learn to accept their struggles and help them figure out solutions, but we must learn to feed their souls. Tearing them down and comparing them to other children will only create an adult who will grow up continuously trying to “one-up” everyone. They will only want outside validation but crave mental clarity, while struggling internally on what they want out of life.
As adults, we love our children but sometimes our judgements are clouded by how we were brought up and our own insecurities. We must learn to take care of those and not allow to pass down that mind set onto our own children. Learning to end the cycle of self-criticism will really help all of us in the long run and it will create confident, strong human beings who truly love themselves. And who wouldn’t want more of that? – Peace and Love
Saying “Goodbye” is such a difficult process and we tend to hold onto the good and forget all the times we have felt disappointed, hurt and confused by other people. We begin to value our worth based on how others treat us and we define our self worth by how much time and energy others give us. But maybe we need to shift our energy.
We do not need to necessarily say goodbye to people who may or may not value us, we just need to focus our energy inward. It is not anyone else’s responsibility to make you feel “worthless” or “worthy” accept your own. Learning to focus inward is a life long process but once we do that more often we begin to not feel “offended” by others (supposedly) indiscretions. We learn to brush things off and move on with our lives by fulfilling what we need ourselves. Now, I am not advocating anyone who abuses you emotionally or physically or financially, to put up with any nonsense. Quite the opposite. Learn to let them go and learn that what they are doing is a reflection of them and not of you. Shift your energy to what you would like in yourself and what you value in yourself. Eventually, you will be surrounded by people who vibe with you. What more could you ask for? -Peace and Love
We all want the best for our children and we strive to give them the tools (and the stuff) that we may have lacked when we were children. We overcompensate by doing everything and anything for them without thinking about the limitations that we may need to set forth to become adults that can do this “adulting” thing with ease. But sometimes, when we give them too many things and not enough of our time, the stuff lies around and then we are left with less time.
Time is such a valuable concept that children and adults crave. Time to spend with loved ones, time to reconnect with people, time to read a book, time to relax, time to enjoy the pleasures of life. We must learn to give our children more of our time and less of our “stuff” in order to help them understand how valuable they are to us. I know, with our busy lives and the demanding nature of wanting to do everything that costs money, it becomes very difficult. However, I do feel that carving out an activity (or activities) to do every day, whether for a short period or a long period of time, will go a long way.
We are going to be raising adults who value who they are and who will value other people and their time. They will learn not to equate “love” with “stuff” and understand that Love means giving someone their attention. We can never overcompensate for that and that is what true parenting really means to me. – Peace and Love
There are times when the light is shining so brightly on you that you can absorb all the Vitamin C and become super confident. You feel energized and charged with a magnetism to get things moving. You are radiating with an invisible force that propels you to start something that you never thought you could or would before.
But then you hit a roadblock and you start to doubt if what you had started was really worth it to begin with. Things are not manifesting the way you had envisioned them. Your ducks are not lining up in a row and you feel exhausted, confused, and a strong desire to give up.
I have been there. Hell, I am there right now. I feel like sometimes what I am doing isn’t worth all the effort and that no one will even see the light of day of this blog (thank you to the ones that do) and I feel like giving up. But I also know that deep in side of me that I am seeking out my life’s purpose. This is what drives me everyday to sit at my computer and write. I just write and whatever flows, flows. I have to learn to accept that things take time and what I want to manifest will eventually come, but it may not be the way that I have planned.
My advice to you, take that feeling that you have in the pit of your stomach and use it to keep going. You know in your heart and in the back of your mind, that whatever you want, will come true. You just can’t give up. Doubting yourself is normal and doubt will always be there, however, you must learn to push doubt aside and fight for what you want. There will be times, when you will quit. Take those times to reset, relax, meditate, and reevaluate your game plan. Once you take these mini-breaks of self doubt and reassess what you want and how you’re going to get it, the journey will become a bit easier everyday. You got this booboo!
It’s so easy to compare ourselves to other people, especially when we are programmed that way since we are little. We are taught that “you should be like so and so”, “why couldn’t you try as hard as so and so”, or “look at so and so, they are so put together”. These innocent statements were made to push us to become better people by trying to convince us to not be hesitant, not scared, and more sure of ourselves but it has just caused us so much inner turmoil and a never ending battle with our self image.
We must learn to not allow how we were brought up to control our present and future dealings in shaping our views of ourselves. We must look inward, oppose to looking outward, in helping us define who we are. I know this is easier said than done but we are all a work in process and every day we should strive to be better and not allow past grievances to rule our mental capacity. We have so much to offer the Universe individually and when we compare ourselves to others, it suppresses our own individual greatness. Strive to be great by being who you are and who you are is not so and so. – Peace and love.
It’s easy to get trapped into the systematic cycle of comparing yourself to others, especially when you see advertisements and commercials about being a certain size, color and age. We all want to reach a certain level of acceptability but then we start to compare ourselves to others and thus, tear our individual self down.
Our society, particularly the marketing industry and our own ideals of beauty, consistently perpetuate a certain standard that we must meet, depending on what decade we are working with. One minute, waif like figures are accepted and then the fat shaming starts. The next minute, big butts are in style and the skinny girls are made not to feel good enough. The next minute we have a need for long lashes and big lips and the ones who do not have them naturally are made to feel less feminine. When will this never ending cycle of not being “good enough” stop?
It stops with us. It stops with us individually first and foremost. We must learn to accept our own bodies and our own little (perfect) imperfections withOUT tearing others down. Body positivity is important but we must not allow our own ideas of self acceptance to dictate how others are viewed by bashing them to make ourselves feel better. Lines such as “well we need a more womanly body” when we see someone thin is unacceptable. The same goes for, “She needs to lose some weight. She’s really unhealthy.” Just because you may not view someone the same standards as yourself or as the ideal standard, does not give you the right to express these words about another. These little comments are small bites that we give to individuals who may already have a complex. These bites can form all over the body, where eventually it covers every surface. Let us stick by raising each other up and accepting that beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, color and age. – Peace and Love
If I had to use a quote from a Disney movie it would be, “Just Keep Swimming”, by the infectiously annoying Dory from “Finding Nemo”. Yeah she was ridiculously forgetful and didn’t know where the hell she was the most of the time but she did know that she just needed to “keep on swimming”.
In life you’re going to go through many obstacles, you may even forget yourself at times and become lost. But you know you must keep on trekking along in life and not give up, even if you want to. Life will throw wrenches at you, even send you through a maze of optical illusions of fake friends and fake relationships. It may even test your strength to the point that you’re going to break. But you’ll going to come to realize that you need to keep on moving forward and focus on your goal. Dory knew she needed to help Marlon find Nemo and that was her whole focus throughout the movie. Even though she forgot who she was with and where she was half of the time, her end goal was to find Nemo. While she was trying to find him, she enjoyed her journey and saw the positive that was in any negative situation, unlike Marlon.
So be more like Dory and enjoy your journey, even if it gets rough and wild at times. If you just keep on swimming, you’ll eventually get to where you need to be. You got this booboo!
You have some great aspirations booboo. You feel it in your bones. You know you are destined for greatness but you just feel anxious about telling others.
What will they think of you?
Will they support you?
Are you good enough?
What if you come across as ego-centric?
What if you fail?
What would that say about you if you tell everyone what you deserve?
What if your goals aren’t attainable?
I need you to stop. You are good enough and your goals are attainable. However, you need to stop doubting yourself and downplaying your goals. What’s right for you isn’t going to be right for everyone else. You must first get your mind out of this negative mindset, then you need to believe you can do this, and last certainly not least, go out and do whatever it is that makes you happy. Life is too short to allow yourself to settle into a life that you weren’t meant to be living. You got this!
Alright booboo, we really can’t go around in circles talking about what happened to you. Every time you sit with a new face, you can’t rehash the same sob story over and over again. You’re just reliving the drama, reliving that feeling of anger, jealousy, hatred, sadness., etc. Every time you speak about it, your feelings change and they shift and then you’re creating a different reality of what has happened. But guess what, you keep living it by talking about it and the feelings keep on recycling. If you continue this, you will not only keep reliving your past, but you’ll be creating your future of the same old same old. Learn to let go, day by day, minute by minute, second by second. Eventually you’ll have moved on and finally be able to create a life worth living. You got this!