Damn, talking to a lot of people whom I know has really put things into perspective for me: shit has been incredibly difficult for them, including myself. Didn’t realize the struggles everyone was going through and didn’t realize that it was the year for growth and change for many people who I adore in my life.
As some of you know, I have struggled throughout the year in finding out who I am and what I was willing to put up with. I am still on the path of finding out who I am and all I know for sure that 2020 will help me reveal my authentic self.
This year I learned a few things and here they are:
- Walk Away: Quit what does not make you happy regardless of the time and effort that it took you to get you where you are at today. After investing 14 years in teaching and finding the work too stressful for my soul, I called it quits.
- Ignoring assholes: My workplace environment was awful to say the least and whenever I saw my principal I would simply ignore him and walk the other direction. Yeah, avoidance is what I needed to practice and that energy around me didn’t serve me any good. So I simply ignored it and did my job.
- Letting go: I had to let go of some past relationships that just well, needed to stay in the past. If that person only brought me sadness and confusion I no longer wanted them in my life, regardless how much I cared for them. Shit, if they didn’t care for me, why even bother anymore?
- Being more passionate: I rather live my life pursuing my hopes and dreams then live a life of stability. What I mean by this is that I rather take a leap of faith and try to go after my goals than just get a job to be financially secure. I’ve been taught all my life is to get a job, save money and retire wealthy. Shit, what about being happy?
- Spend more time with people who inspire me and uplift me: I love being around people who have a different outlook on life and who push me to be better. Hanging out with people who constantly make you question your self worth is a stab in the heart 20 million times over. I want to meet and be with people who celebrate me to the fullest and vice versa.
- Being Authentically Me: I have a tendency to worry about what others think of me. I need to fucking get over it and just be myself. I have to shed these layers of perfection that I try to maintain and discover my real self and who ever accepts me, accepts me and whoever rejects me, can just walk the other way. Why would I want people in my life who would constantly criticize me and try to find things about me to judge? No thank you!
- Smiling more: shit, this year I think I have cried so much I could have filled a large river. Walking around like I have some chip on my shoulder isn’t pretty and I know in 2020, I need to be happy and be grateful for all the blessings. No more tears and not gonna cry no more (okay go Mary J Blige). I am going to celebrate life and allow good shit to come to me.
- Valuing the people in my life: Lord, I have been blessed with many good people in my life and I want to make sure I show them my appreciation more often. I am not too good at reaching out or maintaining contact so I know in 2020 I will need to work on that. I have to put effort in supporting people who I love and who love me. It’s not to say I am not a good friend, it’s just I am bad at texting/calling back and I need to get better at that.
So here is to saying “fuck you” to 2019 and opening up my arms to 2020. Let all the blessings come in. I am so ready for you! Who is with me?! – Peace and Love