I have a heart of gold. I truly do. Whenever I encounter a sob story I just want to help. When I see someone who needs an ear to listen to their issues, I will try to resolve them by giving them advice. But this just causes me to get sucked into their world.
I am sure you have certain people in your life who consistently call on you when there is an issue in their life and want someone to help them get out of it. It’s good to want to help others and try to be a good friend but where does the line cross between toxic and helpful?
If the phone calls and conversations are about what they need and how you could help them it could lead you to become affected by their problems and issues and thus, all you think about is them. When you allow others to control your thoughts with their feelings and emotions, it causes you to lose your focus and control.
I recently began talking to someone from my past who is unhappy in their marriage and wanted a release from it (not a divorce but a distraction). They wanted excitement and intrigue in their lives that obviously they weren’t getting at home. They wanted someone to connect to on a different level, where they could open up their feelings to. I was willing to be that friend who wanted to help uplift them and appreciate them for who they were but in the end I was depleting myself the sustenance that I needed to survive. I was giving all my energy to someone who was willing to take it from me but not give anything in return. And It was my fault. I was allowing this person to use me for their own personal benefit (again, mind you) and not seeing what I needed in return: respect.
So I finally decided that enough was enough and deleted the person from my life. I had to finally stop giving a shit about people who weren’t going to give a shit about me. I hit the block button and have not looked back (okay maybe a few times but I am working on it, lol).
Why allow anyone (from your past or present) to dictate your life? Why stop your life because someone needs your help? It’s good to help but not to the point that all you think about is wanting to help them. That is when it becomes toxic and allows you to move further and further away from your source energy, which is self-love.
You must love yourself more than anything in this world so you would never allow anyone to take away your energy and deplete it because of their selfishness. Stop allowing shit to happen to you and stop allowing shitty people to shit on you, lol. Remember, I am on this journey along with you and I know that loving myself and knowing my self worth is more important than trying to help a narcissist overcome their emotional mess.
Do not allow yourself to become their savior while sacrificing yourself. – Peace and Love